@TheSwanDon

Everyone talks shit about the Salem Witch Trials but there hasn’t been a witch attack in like 300 years.

@TheSwanDon

So my dad was all “stop eating my pills” and then I was like “stop melting into the floor and spinning multi colored webs you talking lamp”

@TheSwanDon

Communists only write in lowercase letters because they hate Capitalism.

@TheSwanDon

Ugh I hate the bathroom at this mall. There’s not a single urinal. Just a bunch of women screaming.

@TheSwanDon

Girls quote Marilyn Monroe relationship and life advice so much its almost like she wasn’t a three time divorced, drug-addicted alcoholic.