Noticed that 9/11 and Friday the 13th are both next week and briefly had the dumb thought “it’ll be weird when they fall on the same day.”
Gravestone inscription “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”
Meet the ghost of a boy who drowned in a pond by his boarding school, and the Latin instructor who drowned him.
I’m new to running outside and still learning the benefits, like for example when it rains you don’t have to do it.
Trust that the Hallmark Channel filmed three whole Christmas movies during the 10 minutes it was snowing in Burbank.
“Plane” kicks off a series of movies named by little boys pointing at things. Watch out for “Truck” in 2024 and “Doggie” in 2025.
I didn’t come here to be called names
Trying to imagine what it’d take for me to yell at a server. Like if I ordered an omelette and they brought me a bowl of rats? But I’d probably still just be like “I’m sorry, you seem to have brought me someone else’s bowl of rats.”
Will I understand Charles III if I haven’t seen Charles I or II
People who say the Napster guy invented music piracy forget the time I stole my sister’s Violent Femmes CD when I was 13.
I never read Clifford the Big Red Dog, the title gives too much away.
Star Wars movies now feel like when your dad caught you smoking and said “Oh you like cigarettes? Well now you’re gonna smoke a whole pack.”
“A beast, you say. Have you tried stabbing it? I see. And your knives, are they steely? Hm. I’ll send someone up right away, sir.”
New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he’s the Joker.
One nice thing about your 30s is people talk less about figuring themselves out and more about where the best sandwiches are.