The universe isn’t working so I’m going to turn it off and back on again. You will cease to exist for a few minutes. I apologize for the inconvenience.
Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.
Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.
Free will was a bad idea.
I should have charged for it.
I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.
Those who do not remember the past are doomed to lose on Jeopardy.
I giveth and I taketh away because I recycleth.
If you live in Tampa, evacuate. Your life is in danger.
If you live on Earth, evacuate. Your life is in danger.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you’re low on eyes.
The sun is 100% solar-powered.
Free will was a mistake.
I should have charged for it.
To keep yourself healthy you should get 8 hours of sleep a day.
To keep the planet healthy you should get 24.
I’m trying to send the zombie apocalypse but the zombies say they’d rather starve.
I created you as mosquito food.
You’re either part of the problem or the entire problem.