I’ve gone unverified for 5,000 years.
Why change now?
Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you’ve already screwed it up.
Justin Bieber’s home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.
Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.
Life is a suicide mission.
You know how when you’re in sixth grade and you love someone you express it by being mean and throwing rocks at them? That’s Me. I love you.
An old white man in a beard bestowing gifts from the sky? Please.
Justin Bieber’s career died for your sins.
The problem with rich people is you’re not one of them.
Traditional marriage was between a boy’s parents and a girl’s parents. And maybe some cattle.
I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken.
Instagramming daily selfies does not constitute personal growth.
What do Me, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have in common? You guessed it: we’re all white.
Jesus was white and spoke English and enjoyed baseball and apple pie and was a churchgoing Christian.
People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that’s why.