What would Jesus do? Today, take Mary out to Olive Garden.
When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, “Well, that’s a sin, but at least it’s original.”
What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.
When CNN says they’re “breaking news” they are, in a sense, right.
Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.
Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards.
The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.
North Korea shows that you don’t need religion to be crazy.
On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon.
The Vatican just deleted all the Pope’s tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church.
The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.
Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero.
“And thou shalt know those whom God has chosen for eternal salvation in the following manner: they shall retweet this.” Revelation 4:12.
Matthew 28, John 20. Luke 24, Mark 21. That means Matthew and Luke will meet in the finals.