TRUE STORY: My wife and I cleaned the house last weekend and found that we both have children from previous marriages.
I hate when I can’t remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I’m like a minesweeper in the mornings.
Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said “So sorry man. Hope things work out.”
So glad I don’t subtweet like SOME PEOPLE.