@ThisLocalHater

Me: We’re floating through space on a giant rock and the rock is dying. I mean, does anything really matter?
Cashier: Okay but your card was still declined.

@ThisLocalHater

I would compare twitter to high school but I don’t remember high school being this stupid

@ThisLocalHater

Hate it when I try to make a snow angel and it turns out as a pentagram instead

@ThisLocalHater

It’s not a crime of arson so much as it’s a crime of passion but okay, judgy fire investigator guy

@ThisLocalHater

How do you tell someone that you want to set them on fire but like without hurting their feelings

@ThisLocalHater

But officer, that is my emotional support dismembered corpse in the trunk

@ThisLocalHater

Always the bridesmaid, never the cartoon pie luring you to a stranger’s windowsill with those little aroma lines

@ThisLocalHater

The most important part of dressing up like a clown and hiding in your friend’s crawlspace is to have fun and be yourself