My youngest kid’s description of the “bestest burger” is just bun.
Nothing but bun.
Not even a patty.
Just the bun.Bread.
The kid likes bread.
I thought they were just making up names, so imagine my surprise when I googled and
roses are red
i fall when i skate
me when I leave a friend on read: They get it. I’m overwhelmed. I isolate. I need a day to think. The kids keep me busy. I’ve got 7 appointments this week. They understand.
me when a friend leaves me on read: OMG THEY HATE MY GUTS
Hear me out.
CROUTON BANGLES.
We have the technology.
“What are you going to wear today?”
Sunscreen and the weight of everyone else’s expectations.
*me, absentmindedly patting my youngest child on the head as I walk by*
Him: Mom, stop using my hair as a paper towel!
My 6-year-old has recently decided his chicken wings need to be eaten with a fork & knife.
I told him to eat with his hands like usual since he was clearly struggling, and he said, “Mom, I’m older now. Why are you trying to make me eat wild? Like a wolf?”
My 1st grader is home sick today and this morning I caught him trying to cough directly onto his older brother.
I asked why he did that and he said it’s because he loves him and thinks he deserves a day off of school too.
I had a well check visit today & my doctor, in the middle of listening to my chest, asked me how the library was & if it was busy now that kids were back in school.
I don’t work at a library. I don’t know what he’s talking about.
I just rolled with it. The library is fiiiiiine.
how I feel after a shower
versus how I look after a shower
My kids are running around the house with animal plushies and figurines making the wildest noises, and when I asked what they were playing, they said, “RABIES.” Oh, okay.
i could never use my superhero powers to become an actual superhero because i could never commit to the lifestyle.
oh wait, that alarm says someone is in trouble RIGHT NOW? sorry, i need at least 48 hours notice and a written form
My 5-year-old has been digging around in my hair on the back of my head lately and today he finally confessed he’s been “lookin for the eyes.”
running chickens are hilarious in a velociraptor kind of way