Cramming a band’s entire discography hours before a show just in case they stop the show and start quizzing me.
to make olympic skateboarding more realistic they should release kids with scooters into the park that the competitors must navigate around
Select the reason for canceling your order:
◽️Item(s) would not arrive on time
◽️Need to change shipping address
☑️ I was drunk
deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring
them: i hate answering emails
me: yeah, it’s the worst
them: let’s just have a meeting
me: wait
a haunted house called blood bath & beyond
My favorite Easter tradition is changing the subject when my mom calls and asks if I went to church.
and are these “NFTs” with us in the room right now?
escape room concept (advanced): it’s Christmas and your family is asking why you’re still single
Nobody has ever believed in me as much as the chef at this food cart who just handed me a burrito not wrapped in foil.
I just returned from a long trip and tossed my suitcase on the floor of my room, so I won’t see those clothes again for several months.
I have some overdue fees at the library, if you’re into bad boys.
Ever notice how loud the sound of opening a beer can at work is?
The best thing about money is that if you give it to the right person they’ll hand you donuts.
I hate it when I forget my password and the security questions make me relive all of my childhood.