Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@TomTheWicked : Facebook: "Do you want to tag Jennifer in this Picture?"
Me: Hmmmm. does it make her look fat? Then yes, yes I do.
@TomTheWicked: *puts kid in tub*
*forgets about kid*
*finds kid-shaped prune floating in tub*
@TomTheWicked: Daughter: why does that guy with the whistle keep interrupting the football game?
Me: because mommy isn't there to do it.
@TomTheWicked: Boss: What's for lunch?
B: What kind of food?
M: The kind you eat.
Me: You hired me. This is your fault.
@TomTheWicked: If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter.
@TomTheWicked: Don't blame me. You're the one following a 32 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.