Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Torgo_phylum's best tweets

@Torgo_phylum : Me: Tonight we dine like kings! *checks wallet* Me: Like burger kings!

@Torgo_phylum: Shania Twain: That don’t impress me-

Me: [takes all of my laundry out of the dryer without dropping any of it on the floor]

Shania Twain: oh shit wow

@Torgo_phylum: [when it’s my turn to introduce myself to the group] Hi my name is Tim and I didn’t hear any of your names cause I was so nervous about my turn and I probably won’t hear the next three or so cause I’ll be thinking about the weird way I said “nervous,” glad to be on the team