Them: Party like it’s 1999
Me: So turn off all electronics and fear airplanes will fall from the sky? OK, I’ll bring beer
Round 2… FIGHT
– me, handing one tablet to both kids
Smooth criminal but it’s just me opening a bag of chips after everyone’s in bed.
Personal Trainer: Do you run?
Me: Only into people and places I’d rather not be.
When they said “it takes a village” I thought they were referring to raising a child not keeping up with laundry.
Smashing piñatas blindfolded but it’s just me being outside during the flying insect seasons.