I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile.
I’m jealous of how many friends the people on Intervention have.
Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
“I don’t care how goodlooking you are if you don’t have any brains.” -Zombies
I’m not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!
I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life.
I predict that Obama’s next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.
I’m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I’m your man.
I’m working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.
Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face.
I refuse to have sex with a condom. Last time I had sex with a condom, the condom never called me again.
“Sensitive” guys who only retweet chicks, you’re not fooling anyone.
Mary and Joseph chose to have Jesus in a barn rather than spend Christmas with their families.
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?