For the longest time I never saw the word “petri dish” written so thought my science teacher was saying “pastry dish” and imagined big glass brownie pans being used in labs across the country
Once I saw a post about someone setting up a snail habitat and they included empty snail shells in a tiny graveyard, in case mourning was an essential snail need
Me, to my cat: You are amazing, I adore you, I understand your time on earth is short and one day I will regret not spending as much of it as possible with you, but…. can you please leave me alone for, like, 5 minutes???
I got groceries delivered from Safeway and there was a mix up where instead of hand soap and dish detergent I got a bag with 4 jars of salsa, I’m over here washing my hands with salsa and somewhere else in the city there’s a chips n’ soap party going on
Hey, did you know that if you leave clean clothes on the floor for long enough they become dirty clothes?
Eating marshmallow fluff to intimidate the ghost that lives in my apartment
I took my meds at someone’s house the other day and they asked if I needed to take them with carbs I said no, and it’s been days and I still wish I said yes so they would have given me carbs
Overheard: “He’s a good guy. He’s a fine attorney. He’s got three goats.”
Imagining serif fonts taking off their little hats and shoes when they get home from work
I like that they snuck the word “strum” right in the middle of “instrument”
Movie where someone thinks they’re a ghost and the plot twist is they were alive the whole time
Gentle reminder that you forgot to lock your door and I am in your living room
Nothing’s stopping you from doing a book signing. You don’t have to have written a book, there are plenty of them just lying around
Hey, so I was working on an Excel spreadsheet and hit an unfamiliar function button and, long story short, now I am trapped inside it and all these numbers are mad at me