HR: Did you call an employee stupid?
Me: No, I asked if he knew he was stupid.
Dave: I don’t want to sound stupid….
Me: Then stop right there and say nothing.
Her: What did you get for Valentine’s Day?
Me: Drunk!
Cashier: Smile!
Me: Worry about your own face.
Boss: Have I made myself clear?
Me: No, I can still see you.
Boss: Shakes head.
My surgeon said NO drinking for 24 hours, then we both laughed.