Most people in horror movies would still be alive, if only those idiots had listened to the audience.
I’m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
He: That’s a handsome dog. What’s his name?
She: Roger
He: Does he bite?
She: No
He: How does he eat then?
Good Morning guys! Just ran 21 kilometers in 2.8 hours. Really didnt know I could have done it.
Temple Run is a really motivating game.
90% of the men who cheat and get caught give bad name to the rest 10% who only cheat.
Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.
She: “I am expecting…”
Me: “Whoa! Congrats.”
She: “…someone at 3.”
99% of my socks are single. You don’t see them crying about it.
Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses.
Me: I have contacts.
Cop: I don’t care who you know, you’re not getting out of this one.
Student: “May I go to the toilet?”
Teacher: “What for?”
Student: “To open the Chamber of Secrets”
Bathrooms have Changed from being a Singing Studio, to a Photo Studio.
Dear Mario,
I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend 🙂
Doctor: “Hey, how are you?”
Patient: “I am good”
Doctor: “Ok. Next.”
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media, make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.