and now a text from my mom:
are you okay??? you didn’t like my fb post about making jam, so I got worried
frog: kiss me, I’m a prince
her: ew gross
frog: you have a problem with frogs?
her: no, with the monarchy
just bought $250 worth of there’s nothing to eat
by milkshake she means trash and by boys she means raccoons and it’s a real problem in that neighborhood
People at work: you’re hilarious,man
Family: you’re really funny
Friends: you’re the funniest guy we know
Twitter: you’re occasionally witty, but don’t quit your day job
Wife: you’re an idiot. that’s not funny.