Everything is a pillow. Some things are just better pillows than others
Shampoo bottles are more dramatic than little brothers. Like I barely touched you! Why did you fall down!?
Mouthwash is too spicy!
*waters it down with Mayonnaise*
For the past 3 years I’ve been playing this hilarious game where I steal pajamas from women I sleep with. So far I’ve acquired a total of 0 pajamas.
Someone forgot to pay the earths yearly subscription fee for “being ok” after the free trial ended.