I’ve gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn’t gonna get arrested all by itself.
I took my turtle for a walk. It’s been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.
I have found that a positive pregnancy test will cure hiccups.
Balls Deep is not a accurate form of measurement.
Just spent $243.57 at the grocery store so the check out girl didn’t think I was just buying KY and condoms.
I’m not a Doctor, but I played one until I got arrested.
I’m never at a loss for words when I’m drunk. I just can’t pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one’s.
I’m 43 yrs old and still buying pot at a mall parking lot. On the flip side, Mom is 70 and still selling it there.
I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.