Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of Tuna_Lover's best tweets

@Tuna_Lover : I've gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn't gonna get arrested all by itself.

@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.

@Tuna_Lover: I have found that a positive pregnancy test will cure hiccups.

@Tuna_Lover: Things to get done: Make coffee, Drive a train high on cocaine, Rent a lion to eat my neighbor's dog, clean up mess from that lion thing.

@Tuna_Lover: Balls Deep is not a accurate form of measurement.

@Tuna_Lover: Just spent $243.57 at the grocery store so the check out girl didn't think I was just buying KY and condoms.

@Tuna_Lover: I'm not a Doctor, but I played one until I got arrested.

@Tuna_Lover: I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's.

@Tuna_Lover: I'm 43 yrs old and still buying pot at a mall parking lot. On the flip side, Mom is 70 and still selling it there.

@Tuna_Lover: I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.