It’s embarrassing when my wife pats me down for concealed chicken nuggets in front of our friends.
“Be sure to unroll dads sleeves and check for food before you put them in the washer”
-my wife
Keep me in your thoughts. My wife is unloading the dryer and I can’t find a corn bread muffin I had earlier. Pretty sure I left it in one of those pockets.
Of course I have a picture of my kids. Let me find a good one.
* frantically scrolling through 8000 pictures of my dog sleeping
Your third emoji is.. Just kidding. I’m an adult.
When you feel unsuccessful, keep in mind that there are professional Bigfoot hunters.
I carry an extra fish stick behind my ear like a Marlboro.
Your boss takes you way more serious if you text him a picture of him sleeping in bed..
I like to think my wife’s friends stare at me because I’m hot but it’s probably because they have never seen a potato salad sandwich before.
I live in Texas. If I buy four bags of ice I have approximately 3/4 of a cup of ice when I get home.