One time I had to Google “What is a Snooki?” ngl I was disappointed it wasn’t a new Muppet
I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am
Why do they call it sweeping the leg and not defeeting your opponent?
Twitter was down earlier. I tried telling jokes on Grindr but it wasn’t as satisfying
I don’t understand Christian heavy metal. Like why are they so angry for Jesus?
Me: Two men enter, one man leaves
Friend: Do you have to say that every time you drop me off at work?
When you’re in the hospital on morphine, a fun game to play is “were my eyes closed for 20 seconds or 2 hours”
Couldn’t remember my cute doctor’s name so I just called him
