What rhymes with Autoerotic Asphyxiation? Writing an obituary is hard.
After sex, I take the condom off and make a balloon animal for the lady.
My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
1. Rent storage unit
2. Procure 3 bodies at morgue
3. Place bodies in storage unit
4. Stop making payments
5. Wait. Best Storage Wars Ever
My dog is dreaming. Based on the noises and twitches coming from him… he’s fighting off a Korean Chef.
In a parallel universe, one sock goes in the washer/dryer and two come out.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on twitter. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.
I wonder if Houdini ever locked himself out of the house.
My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest but I never forget.