“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”
– me, peeping at you in the shower
In space, no one can hear you scream.
In cyberspace, no one can shut you up.
I’ve learned from my mistakes. I make bigger and better mistakes than ever now.
For Halloween I’m giving out razor blades with candy in them. These kids’ll be shaving away and then BAM – nougat everywhere.
Congratulations on your gold medal in the conclusion jump.
Her: You know I love it when you pull my hair…
Me: Yes, baby
Her: But the other people at this PTA meeting are beginning to stare.
Some cultures fear that when someone takes your photograph they steal your soul.
You should be fine, though.
I have an irrational fear that I’m accidentally making up words. I don’t want to be misunderstandable.
Doctor, reading chart: “Says here you’re improving!”
*slowly turns chart rightside up*
“I got you, babe.”