@UncleDuke1969: I can’t believe that somebody abandoned this perfectly good clothes rack.
@UncleDuke1969: "Where were you?"
"Do you think I'm stupid?"
"Don't be paranoid, Loretta."
"Just calm d-"
"GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR MARVIN."
@UncleDuke1969: SON: Dad, do aliens really exist?
ME: *sliding a tentacle back up my sleeve* Why, did your mother say something?
@UncleDuke1969: “But, I’m a talking tree!” said the oak.
“And, you will dialogue,” replied the lumberjack.
@UncleDuke1969: Mrs. Kowalski left the class mortified, unable to believe just how badly she’d misinterpreted what they had meant by Pole dancing.
@UncleDuke1969: Her: I want you to tie me up.
Her: Blindfold me.
Her: Now, tease me a bit.
Me: Your nose is big & your teeth are crooked.
@UncleDuke1969: It was the third time that summer they’d dug up her garden, and Barbara decided it was time to send the bunnies a message.
@UncleDuke1969: Son: What's for dinner?
Son: Yay! I want cake!
Me: What are the magic words?
Son: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MOM.
Me: Here ya go.