omg the susans have started to replicate please send he
I took the PBJ out a couple of times, but things got stale, my relationship with the milk soured quickly, and I wouldn’t really call what that bagel and I did “dating.”
our neighborhoods continue to teem with violent migrant street gangs
well this is just bullshirt
i have never been so disappointed in all of my life
“That there’s a damn shame, Bill. Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see anything. I was visiting my sister’s tree over on Morgan. I’ll ask around and let you know if I hear something, though. Geez, what a world, am I right? Anyway, your homeowners policy should cover it, no?”
cop: *vomits*
detective: first axe murder, huh?
“My lawyer will have me out in an hour.”
“MOOOOOOMMM!!!”
man found with dozens of heads in his trunk during routine traffic stop
“Have you seen the cat, Sam?”
“The what now?”
“FOUND ‘EM!”
all that yoga finally paid off
we must combat the global scourge of underage baking
“Are you ready to apologize to your sister yet?”
