It’s too bad my sister wasn’t kinder to me in middle school.
**orders nephew a bullhorn for Christmas**
Friend w/o kids: I’m planning a meditation retreat next month.
Me: One of my kids has been shaking a metal tin full of coins FOR AN HOUR.
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
“How old are you?”
Things you say to your third child.
My kids never finish their dinner because they’re saving room for bath water.