@VictorscarletJ

*At the bar*

Me: What do you have on tap?

Bartender: Bud and Bud Light

Me: I’ll have a Coke.

@VictorscarletJ

70 yr old boss: i have the body of a fit 30 yr old.
Me: where? Buried in your rose garden?

@VictorscarletJ

Seriously…if you need a sign to remind you to wash your hands after taking a shit or piss. Stay home

@VictorscarletJ

I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?