@VodkaTiem

I was really expecting to get murdered by some creepy person from the Internet by now.

@VodkaTiem

Have you tried growling until they back away slowly?

@VodkaTiem

Craigslist: Meet your soulmate and lose a kidney all in one magical night.

@VodkaTiem

*pulls away from kissing*
Me: Please insert 2oz of cheese to continue.

@VodkaTiem

Relationship status: The pizza is late and I’m worried

@VodkaTiem

I don’t know who put chairs in the elevator, but that’s a kind of laziness that I can respect.