Before we have sex, please select every image that contains a bicycle.
Dolphins kill more people than sharks. The difference is that dolphins know how to hide a body.
The best part about putting your cat on a diet is the frequent wake up calls every couple of hours starting around 2am 🙃
Seriously, if you go to Central or South America to visit ancient ruins and you don’t dress as Indiana Jones, what’s even the point? Bonus points if you can get the whip through customs.
Me: (sees turtle) goddamnit I envy your affordable housing.