Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at Macdonald’s. Not funny, grow up.
I hate when I’m beating my grandma in Mario Kart and she kicks the controller out my hands.
Nice beard bro looks like you just ate a bunch of lollipops then made out with your cat
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there’s a cop hiding in the bushes
If you find a fry on the floor and you don’t share it with me, we can’t be friends. Don’t touch me. Monster.
I’m gonna be so pissed if I die in the middle of an argument I’m about to win.
Accidentally walked into the women’s bathroom, went ahead and peed sitting down so it wouldn’t be awkward for anyone.
I hate it when I’m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.