Of course I stay hydrated, carbohydrated.
Pro: I will make you a gourmet meal.
Con: I will pronounce the t in gourmet.
I’m just thankful that the presidential election doesn’t have a swimsuit portion.
Remember when a blue moon was a rare and romantic thing, and now it’s probably something terrible on Urban Dictionary?
2019: The floor is lava.
2020: The year is lava.
Unsolved Mysteries: We don’t know what happened, and now neither do you.
Me: Please bring me a screwdriver.
Him: Flat head, Phillips, or Vodka?
And that was when I knew he was the one.