@WilliamAder

If “six degrees” is true, somebody tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell Scarlett Johansson I said “Hi.”

@WilliamAder

Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk.

@WilliamAder

Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Talked to someone today about remaining human when society crumbles. Was told to “please pull up to the window.”

@WilliamAder

Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Hearing now that the government closed the Grand Canyon. Not sure if they roll a tarp over it or how that works.

@WilliamAder

I have to wonder why we have “non-essential” government employees in the first place.

@WilliamAder

I spend an awful lot of time picking the most desirable potato chips out of the bag for someone who’s going to eat them all anyway.

@WilliamAder

Replaced my shoelaces with ear buds and now they tie themselves.

@WilliamAder

By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I’ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.