If I ever become a super hero, my origin story will involve a sourdough starter mishap.
If I were 30 years younger, I’d remember where I was going with this tweet.
Made the mistake of telling my work wife about my Twitter crush. Long story short, the judge awarded her half the snacks in my desk and my good stapler.
When the hot singles found out I was in their area they moved.
“Miss me yet?” – 2019
Rescued a Roomba from eBay and gave it a forever home.
It’s 2020. You have a favorite brand of vaccine.
Remember when folks kept pictures of people in their wallets? Like they might forget what their loved ones look like?
Wore my clip-on, flip-up sunglasses in my dating profile pic, because women don’t easily forget something like that.
My safe word is now just a dry cough.