Funny Tweeter

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Page of WilliamRodgers's best tweets

@WilliamRodgers : My wife tried calling the cable company and they put her on hold for 58 seconds... 58 seconds... 58 whole seconds... Then she hung up, because she said “it felt like forever.” ...where was that attitude on our wedding night???

@WilliamRodgers: "We need something strong and durable to protect cellphones from damage"

LG: Plastic?

Samsung: Metal?

iPhone 8: What about Glass?

@WilliamRodgers: They say all good things must come to an end...

After 7 wonderful years of marriage...

I walked in on my wife...

Watching Twilight..

@WilliamRodgers: I'm 32 years old and I've watched Frozen 26 times this week...

For those of you out there thinking about having unprotected sex tonight...

@WilliamRodgers: YOU THINK CONDOMS ARE STUPID???

My 2yr old just cried for 45 minutes because the TV in our car isn't as big as the TV in our house...

@WilliamRodgers: They need to make a dating App. For couples who have that "3rd wheel" best friend.

It would be like a 3rd party Tinder with 2 References.

@WilliamRodgers: What I really love about Air Fresheners is how it makes your bathroom smell like someone just shit in your rose garden...

@WilliamRodgers: "Age is just a number"

...so is your credit score, your weight, the balance in your bank account

@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY

Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.

@WilliamRodgers: What my Doctor said...

"Sugar kills more people than Cocaine"

What I heard...

"The next time you're craving Cake...Do some blow instead"