@Wine_honey1

Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room

@Wine_honey1

It’s “Bring Your Kids To Work Day” and all my cats are fighting in the break room.

@Wine_honey1

Relationship Status: Just asked the bag of Doritos laying in bed next to me if they had enough room

@Wine_honey1

I sleep with a knife under my pillow just in case someone breaks in my house with cake.

@Wine_Honey1

I love people until they have the nerve to tell me & the inflatable swan that I was passed out drunk on all night, to get out of their driveway.

@Wine_Honey1

*gets sent nude selfie with messy bedroom in the background

Sorry to ruin the mood, but is that a half-eaten corn dog on your floor?

@Wine_Honey1

When I’m exercising with my cats, I barely make it through track one on my playlist before I need a nap in someone’s yard.

*gets arrested for trespassing

@Wine_Honey1

You said No DMs, but you didn’t say anything about stopping by.

Anyways I’m at the door.

@Wine_Honey1

My boss said that we could go outside during the solar eclipse, but no time limit was given

*takes 8 hour lunch break
*raids liquor store

@Wine_Honey1

I’m broke so everyone’s just getting gifs for Christmas.