I hate it when I fall in love with someone, then the light turns green and they drive away
When you search your kid’s backpack and find they have a project due tomorrow and wish you would have found drugs instead.
You’re like a dressing room
You make me want to take my clothes off and try things
It’s like ten thousand filters, when all you need is a bag.
I’m like a kid. People like me best when I’m quiet or sleeping.
*eats banana seductively
Banana: I have a boyfriend
Nothing screams passive agressive quite like letting your spouse sleep in, while also letting the kids play loudly outside the bedroom door