@Xalqee

If the object of having a few drinks is to ” Take the edge off”, then I’m Spherical

@Xalqee

I have a very defined ab.
That’s not a typo, I only have a single ab

@Xalqee

“If I act like I’m asleep he’ll leave, If I act like I’m asleep he’ll leave, if I act like I’m asleep he’ll leave” – Me getting pulled over

@Xalqee

If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser

@Xalqee

” Let me be perfectly clear” – My Aquarium

@Xalqee

When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?

@Xalqee

If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

@Xalqee

My wife just sent me a text ” I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)” …..I hope she misspelled Xbox

@Xalqee

As if ” cray cray” wasn’t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to ” cray”….that’s just stu stu

@Xalqee

How frustrating would it be if you turned into a zombie before you had a chance to put your dentures in?