Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Xalqee's best tweets

@Xalqee : If the object of having a few drinks is to " Take the edge off", then I'm Spherical

@Xalqee: A Weed Whacker is not as sexy as it sounds

@Xalqee: I have a very defined ab.
That's not a typo, I only have a single ab

@Xalqee: "If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave" - Me getting pulled over

@Xalqee: If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser

@Xalqee: " Let me be perfectly clear" - My Aquarium

@Xalqee: When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?

@Xalqee: If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?

@Xalqee: My wife just sent me a text " I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)" .....I hope she misspelled Xbox

@Xalqee: As if " cray cray" wasn't irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that's just stu stu