My son went out, put his hands on his hips, and started saying how great my lawn mowing job looked and this is how dads get high
we got a new bathroom accessory and now the toilet is amazed when I pee
who called it a chinese finger trap and not a digit fidget widget?
passion fruit: i had a wild date last night, what did you do?
jackfruit: oh nothing
my child dressed himself up as a police car. no not a police officer, a police car
my child dressed himself up as a police car. no not a police officer, a police car
Website: are you a robot?
Cyborg: *sweating activated*
My kid turned me down for a goodnight hug and kiss but did offer me a nice handshake, so I’m glad we can sustain a professional relationship
Dirty cop: yeah I’m in with the scum, but I held my nose and now I’m rolling in it
Clean cop: good god Harold, go take a shower
8yo: Can you just say nothing?
3yo: Nothing
8yo: No, just say nothing
3yo: Nothing!
8yo: No, can you just be silent?
3yo:
3yo: NOTHING!
When you’re stupid, you trust your child with an alarm clock
Roadtrip thread:
We made it 2.8% of the way to our destination before being asked when we were gonna be there.
Well Avril, given that you were describing two completely different situations at the beginning and the end of the song, in retrospect yes I do believe you could have made it more obvious
You can’t scare me, you’re not getting my kids ready for school all by myself
Kids’ clothes really need clearer labels stating when they are made of “scratchy stuff” or the printed size is “not true” or they are “too purple.”