@XplodingUnicorn

My dog loves me, but he also eats his own poop. I don’t think I can trust his judgment.

@XplodingUnicorn

I respected tiger sharks a lot more after I realized how many hurdles tigers and sharks had to overcome to breed with each other.

@XplodingUnicorn

If you still have a landline, I assume you also own a butter churn and ride a dinosaur to work.