@YoungNobler

Places to learn how to chug your drink:
1. College frat
2. Airport security line

@YoungNobler

Mike Pence has a strong resume, including Governor of Indiana and Shawshank Prison Guard. #VPDebate

@YoungNobler

I’m still disappointed that Penguin and Random House merged to become Penguin Random House and not the more hilarious Random Penguin House.

@YoungNobler

Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016

@YoungNobler

It’s the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.

@YoungNobler

Honestly, I think Bernie Sanders is just angry about email in general. #DemDebate

@YoungNobler

Underwear isn’t protecting you from your pants. It’s protecting your pants from YOU! Another conspiracy uncovered.

@YoungNobler

They should make custom Starbucks cards that say, “I wouldn’t normally be buying your coffee, but I got this gift card.”

@YoungNobler

Just checked weather. If anyone is curious what’s in my wardrobe, find me tomorrow. I will be wearing every article of clothing I own.

@YoungNobler

#wecanlandonacometbutwecant let a comet land on us. – Yakov Smirnoff