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Page of YourDailyGroan's best tweets

@YourDailyGroan : If you never milked a dead horse or got stoned from a turnip you don't know how to mix metaphors. You buttered your bread, now lie in it.

@YourDailyGroan: I believe in workplace drug testing.

That's why I slipped Ambien and Ex-Lax into my boss' coffee.

Let's test which one works faster.

@YourDailyGroan: Why cotton swab companies haven't used "just the tip" as an advertising slogan yet is beyond me.