@YourMomsucksTho: I'm assuming my husband bought me gym clothes and fat burning supplements because he wants a divorce
@YourMomsucksTho: Please donate 30$ to my child's school funrun so she can get a pencil as a prize, thank you
@YourMomsucksTho: It's taking my husband like way longer to leave me for a younger woman than movies and tv led me to believe it would and honestly I'm pretty annoyed
@YourMomsucksTho: I need a Magic 8 ball so i can find out if I'm drinking today or if I'm re-shaking it until i am
@YourMomsucksTho: If she says "do you notice anything different about me?" just jump into a gorilla enclosure or something
@YourMomsucksTho: Gather close, children, as i tell a horrific tale of using a separate contraption from your phone called a camera, taking the roll of film out, driving to a photo lab, putting it in an envelope, dropping it in a bin, and then waiting 7-10 days to see pictures unless they lost it.
@YourMomsucksTho: I might be a 42 year old woman but i identify as a really angry 97yr old man who tries to hit people with his cane just for saying hi.
@YourMomsucksTho: My husband is taking me to a scenic bridge today so i guess this is goodbye
@YourMomsucksTho: My husband always knows I got my period by how I wear white dresses and twirl in fields, then swing for hours and hours while laughing.