I didn’t survive various alcohol poisoning events in the 90’s just to get taken out by a virus
If satan isn’t real then who invented 3rd grade recorder flute concerts
Anyways the gym said i can’t use the tanning bed to make nachos anymore
I’m assuming my husband bought me gym clothes and fat burning supplements because he wants a divorce
Please donate 30$ to my child’s school funrun so she can get a pencil as a prize, thank you
It’s taking my husband like way longer to leave me for a younger woman than movies and tv led me to believe it would and honestly I’m pretty annoyed
I need a Magic 8 ball so i can find out if I’m drinking today or if I’m re-shaking it until i am
If she says “do you notice anything different about me?” just jump into a gorilla enclosure or something
Gather close, children, as i tell a horrific tale of using a separate contraption from your phone called a camera, taking the roll of film out, driving to a photo lab, putting it in an envelope, dropping it in a bin, and then waiting 7-10 days to see pictures unless they lost it.
I might be a 42 year old woman but i identify as a really angry 97yr old man who tries to hit people with his cane just for saying hi.