Life hack:
Use a pot lid as a shield when cooking bacon with no pants on.
According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m 4 people.
Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.
Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.
You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not a bowl of mashed potatoes.
Them: What is wrong with you?
Me: How much time do you have?
This chapter of my life is called.
“Pushing a pull door”
It took me 2 whiskeys to remember I know how to do karate.