GUY #1: You free next week?
GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy.
GUY #1: You mean diary yeah?
*cow walks by with “dentist 11.30” on it*
PARTY GUEST: So, how did you two meet?
HUSBAND: Oh, it’s a bit of a fairytale, right darling?
[wife is clearly a wolf in a dress]
MAN: See my tattoo? It says “Only God can judge me.”
GOD: That shirt with those pants?
TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I’d never cheat on you.
TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay….hey, when did we get that wardrobe?
LIAM NEESON: I have a peculiar set of skills.
ME: I think the line is ‘particular’.
LIAM NEESON: Nope!
*He rollerblades away juggling dogs*