Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of _NinJar's best tweets

@_NinJar : 1st rule of snitch club is d-
"MIKE BROKE THE 1ST RULE!"
Ok w-
"JIM BROKE THE 3RD RULE!"
*police sirens*
Who called the cops
*everyone runs*

@_NinJar: I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib

@_NinJar: [museum]
Wheres the dinosaur bone exhibit?
"through that door"
Thank you very ruff!
"What'd you say?"
*2 dogs fall out of trench coat & run*

@_NinJar: [Dr.]
"Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"
*slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth*
"Don't do it"
*eats cheese*
*dies*

@_NinJar: I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket

@_NinJar: Me: Whats the best thing on the menu?
Waiter: The cheesebur-
Me: WRONG!
*points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*

@_NinJar: *cop frisking me*
Cop: "theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?"
Uh, no
Cop: "OW!"
*baby porcupine jumps out*
RUN POKEY, RUN

@_NinJar: A missing 3YO was found inside a bowling alley claw game. After many failed attempts to get him out, police just settled on the turtle doll.

@_NinJar: The hay in baby Jesus's manger came from Christian Bales.

@_NinJar: *wakes up in hospital*
What happened?
"It was a heart attack"
Will I be ok?
*a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat*
"No"