I moisturize religiously because one of my grandmas has aged beautifully but one looks like emperor palpatine
At this month’s meeting of The Corporate Billionaires of America club, we will be discussing cutting-edge ideas such as, “should we be charging an extra fee to slice the pizza.”
I am 5’3. I have a date this week with a man who is 6’4. How many ibuprofen will I need for my neck from having my head permanently tilted up if this goes anywhere?
Why are they called drug mules instead of methengers?
I do not want “thoughts and prayers.” I want “chips and salsa.”
Me: I’m not the same person I was when you met me.
Him: we met six seconds ago.