Darude Sandstorm is my favorite pokemon
Interviewer: Do you have any special skills?
[Me, attempting to remove stapled sheets of paper with a sword]: no
Someone asked me if I had any hobbies and I panicked and said “lasagna”
Carrying a tube of pringles like a waiter presenting a fine bottle of wine
Me after 1 airport cocktail:
“The biblical Noah is no different than say, a Pokemon master, collecting God’s creatures for his own amusement,” I casually mention during the staff meeting while waiting for my PowerPoint to load
“The other day” -me referring to the year 2017
[pointing to a gravestone]
I’ll have what HE’S having!
Thinking about Jeff
[House Hunters]:
Hi I’m a tree enthusiast and my partner collects stamps. Our budget is 6 million dollars
Chuck E. Cheese is a child casino, good night
Calling in stupid to work tomorrow
If Dracula bit my neck, KFC gravy would just come out