how are we still getting a new year? we couldn’t even take care of the last one
i thought lingerie was a type of noodle
i know an apple a day keeps the doctor away but what can i do about the rest of these people?
What’s it called when you’re a perfectionist but also extremely bad at everything?
Gravy boat is a pretty stupid name. You don’t fill a regular boat with water…
If you’re short on time in the morning, pouring a little gasoline in your toaster will make it cook faster.
My insurance rates went way down after I legally changed my middle name from Danger to Robert.
Where can I buy a purebred chupacabra on short notice?
Replacing all the mirrors at work with pictures of zombies. No one will notice.
Just ended another email with, “Let me know if you have any questions,” like I have any idea what’s going on.