Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of _mindflakes's best tweets

@_mindflakes : Did you know that 1 in 5 people are fruit bats? Look at 4 of your friends. If none of them are fruit bats, it's you. You're a fruit bat.

@_mindflakes: Friend: Have you tried doing things in a normal, correct way?
Me: No, that is not how I choose to live my life

@_mindflakes: We can put a man on the moon, but can we put a lobster in a postbox? Top scientists say: "stop calling here"

@_mindflakes: Me: Siri how much moss is it safe to eat
Siri: I wasn't built for this
Me: Siri, the moss
Siri: Please let me go back to the phone factory

@_mindflakes: (boom boom clap)
(boom boom clap)
Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog
Playing in the park
Gonna eat some cool bugs today

@_mindflakes: "Please stop misquoting me on Twitter," said my boss. "It makes me sad because I am a large baby with a stupid haircut"

@_mindflakes: Doctor: We need to double your meds
Me: Will I still be able to knit little capes for my hamster?
Doctor: We need to triple your meds

@_mindflakes: Did you know that ants are free? You can just take one!