Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don’t think he’d know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory.
Make her feel like she’s the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
This guy thinks he can take my girlfriend home with him just because he bought her a few drinks and he’s married to her. Men.
Her: I want to have your babies.
Me: You’ll have to wait until they get off from school.
The cranberries used to write songs that would get stuck in your head, in your heeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
There are two types of people in this world.
1. People who have a favourite brand of water.
2. People I don’t want to kill.
I don’t think the milf next door watches enough porn. She asked for help with her sink. It’s been 20 minutes, we’re still fixing the sink.